I can’t even do my homework because I don’t know if I’m going to be around at the end of the semester & I can’t see a point in getting stressed out over something that probably won’t ever matter. I can’t get excited for anything because I don’t know if I’ll even be around for it.
I’ve never been able to plan for my future because I’ve never seen myself being able to make it that far. I didn’t think I would make it through high school, but I’m so much of a damn procrastinator that I’m still fucking here, a junior in college. Stuck in a town I fucking hate with no friends and a job where they don’t want me.
It’s junior year and everyone is talking about the career fair next week, and talking about internships and job opportunities and I can’t even fucking get myself motivated to go because I don’t want to commit to an internship over the summer when I don’t even know where I’ll be at that point. I don’t know if I’ll still be in this fucking town, if I’ll still be alive…. but if I am still here I know I’ll be too damn miserable to get up every morning and go to an internship where I’m treated even shittier than I am right now.
I don’t want to be forced into the workforce but what the fuck else am I supposed to do with my life?
I was always destined to die young. If it doesn’t fucking happen soon, I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I can’t do this much longer.